Success as a failure

I'm always feeling like the only thing I succeed at is being a failure.  I mean, everything I try to do, I fail at.  What would that lead you to believe?  I'm really good at failing.

So, with that being said, I'd like to give a quick update on my weight loss/being healthy journey.  When we last spoke, I was really gung-ho about the C25K program.  I was gonna train and run in a 5K (in time).  Well, my friends, fail I did.  I was able to do the program 3 times, that's one damn week.

I started feeling sick about 3 weeks ago, like miserably sick.  So sick, I missed work one day.  Well, I'm still feeling sick, miserable cough that just won't go away.  If you've never spent any part of spring in North Carolina, you wouldn't understand.  In the spring, this wonderful, yellow pollen starts flying through the air.  So heavy, at times, that you can see it flying through the air.  A huge, yellow haze.  It covers everything.  You can feel it on your skin, in your mouth, eyes, nose, on your clothes.  Everywhere!!  Growing up in New York, I NEVER had a problem with allergies.  Welcome to North Carolina, bitch!  I can't breathe, can't talk, can't think, can't see.  I didn't think it'd be a good idea to go outside and try to run when I couldn't even sit outside for more than 10 minutes.  So, the C25K program was pushed to the side.  I was really excited about that, too.  And, all this because of (as my wonderful friend and co-worker put it) tree spooge.

So, another of my friend/co-workers suggested that I try pilates.  I got on ebay and ordered up a DVD immediately.  I looked at youtube and found some videos and I was really excited about pilates.  It looked like a lot of fun.  I couldn't wait to get home and try it.  I've done the pilates a few times now and I really do like it.  It's not very strenuous and you don't even realize that you've at the end.

After a few days of pilates, I remembered that I have some dance aerobics dvd's at my house.  So, I put them in the rotation.  Again, a lot of fun, however, I can't keep up.  I'm slow and I can't get the moves like the instructor.  It's a little frustrating but I'm sticking with it.  I decided that I'd do dance one day and pilates the next.  I have 2 dvd's of each, so I can rotate those bitches.

To wrap up, I've failed my attempt at C25K.  I'm trying some other stuff that I'll probably fail at.  I've been soda free for so long now that I've lost count......3 months, maybe??  Also, I've lost 19.4 pounds.  I'm rounding it up to 20 because fuck you.  I lost 20 pounds.   My trip to Disney World is coming up, just 51 days away!!!!

Day One is in the books

CAUTION, ADULT LANGUAGE

Holy fucking shit!  I did Day 1 of the C25K challenge last night.  Okay, so, I knew it wasn't going to be easy.  I had no delusions that I'd head outside and breeze right through the challenge.  However, I wasn't prepared for how hard it actually was.

It starts with a brisk, five minute, warm-up walk.  No problem.  I take brisk walks almost every day.  Feeling pretty good, almost cocky, I did the warm-up.  Then, the voice comes on my iPhone and says "Start running."  Well, okay, I start to jog.  Mother of God!  I couldn't even make it the 60 seconds.  I did ok, I think I got 50-55ish seconds before the was gasping for air.  The bitch finally said "Start walking."  Well, I already was.  This continued for 20 more minutes.  Walk, run, walk, run.....

I wasn't able to run each time that dirty whore told me to.  And, when I did, I wasn't able to run the whole 60 seconds.  I even cursed my co-worker's name because he tried the C25K training last year but stopped because of pain in his foot.  Well, my fucking foot hurt and I swore that I'd rather cut it off then admit to him that I had foot pain.  Damnit!  I was so mad.

Pushing on; run, walk, run, walk....Christ, when is this ever going to stop!!!  Then the bitch says "One minute left."  Woooooo-hooooooo!!  I actually cheered while walking!!  After the minute, she said "You can now start your cool down."  Well, ok, I start slowly walking, making my laps smaller and smaller, thinking I can just head into the house.  Not so fast, fatty-fatty boo-ba-latty.  That cool down is another five minutes!  Will it ever end??????

When I got to the point when I didn't think I could do it anymore, I looked at my phone and saw that I was on my last minute!  My smile slowly returned to my face.  By the time I got back to the front door, that slutbag said, "Congratulations, your work out is complete!"  Praise the lord!!

I went inside and collapsed on the couch.  I didn't think I'd be able to get off the couch and make the walk to the third floor to my bedroom, but I did.  It was painful, I'm not gonna lie, but I did it.  And I'll do it again today!

Let me just list a few accomplishments I'm proud of during this journey:

1.  Lose 10 pounds

2.  Stop drinking soda - Nine weeks now!

3.  Eat healthier - I haven't been able to completely give up junk yet, but I'm on my way.  I don't eat everything in site anymore!

4.  Exercise at least 3 times a week

5.  Stop eating white bread/rice

Next up on my journey:

1.  Add upper body work out to the C25K training next week

2.  Stop eating pasta - OHMYGOD!!!!  This is so hard.  Every time I say I'm going to stop, I have to have one more pasta dish.  Just one more!  Shit, I sound like a drug addict.  Pasta is my kryptonite!

I'm proud of the progress I've made.  The end game is my health and happiness.  I sure hope that by this time next year, I will have either run in my first 5K already or I'll be preparing to run in my first one.  Fingers crossed!!!!!

Trying something new

Well, I've been steadily working out and eating better for 75 days now.  I'm now 8 weeks soda free.  I've lost 15.6 pounds.  I've had some setbacks, namely, I gained 5 pounds for no reason.  I was working out everyday, sometimes twice a day, and eating healthier foods.  Well, that 5 pounds is gone and I've lost 15.6 pounds.  I feel better and I feel like I look better.  I don't know, maybe, possibly.  Who knows?

As you may or may not know, I live with my parents.  I know, what a loser!  I'm 35 years old and I live with my parents with my 5 year old son.  Pathetic, right?  Well, for me it's not, so fuck off.  I know I wouldn't be able to afford to live on my own.  I don't get child support from my son's father.  Plus, the support from my family (both of my parents, my sister, my nephew, and my grandmother) is amazing.  I mean, for example, my son has had several seizures where we've had to call 911 and he's had to ride to the hospital in an ambulance.  Well, without my family, I don't know how I would've made it through those times.  I panic in emergency situations and I couldn't even talk to the 911 operator.

Anyway, my family lives in a large home.  My son and nephew were sharing a bedroom and I had my own bedroom.  Well, this weekend, my son and I will be moving to the third floor and sharing a bedroom.  It's a huge room, the entire length and width of the house.  I'm really excited about the move because it'll give me a little more privacy (even though I'm sharing a room, but I'll get to that in a minute) and a lot more room.  I'm going to make a clear divider in the room until we get an actual room divider.  I've been obsessing about the room all week.  I've been taking decorations down and moving things around, to get ready.  I don't know why, but I really am excited about this!

Things seem to be on an upswing for me, after a pretty rough winter.  I was really sick for a while just before Thanksgiving, I had bronchitis.  Then my son got sick and was eventually hospitalized.  Then I had several issues with my car that cost a lot of money.  Just not a great winter.  However, now it seems like everything is settling down.  I'm still catching up from the car issues and Christmas and my son's birthday.

On the positive side, my sister and I are taking our sons to Disney World in June!!!  It'll be our second trip in as many years and we're so excited.  We're staying at a Disney resort (a first) and staying for 8 days!!!  We've been obsessively planning for months now, trying to get every detail perfect.  I really don't know who is more excited, me or the kids??

So, back to the reason I brought you here today.  I've decided to start the Couch to 5K (C25K) training program.  http://www.c25k.com/  I'm sure it'll be really slow for me, I'm already planning on repeating the first few weeks.  My end goal is to run in a 5K by October 31.  I don't know how reasonable that is and I'll adjust it, if I need to.  I've NEVER run before.  Ever.  I'm very scared and I know I'll just be doing it at the house first.  Hopefully, I'll be able to start getting out on trails and tracks after that.  I just want to lose weight and be healthy.  I want to dance at my son's wedding, embarrass him at sporting events, hold my grandchildren.  Is that too much to ask?

Here's to a step in the right direction!!!

A different me

Well, a lot has changed in my life since we last spoke.  I've lost 12.8 pounds!!  Last year, I lost around 25 pounds, but I gained it all back (and then some).  I was going to the gym at least 3 times a week and really watching what I ate.  But things kind of fell apart.  I didn't have time to go to the gym, no one could watch my son.  I know that sounds like an excuse, and maybe it was, but that's what happened.

I feel like I've changed since then, though.  I just want to be healthy.  I feel like I'm happier, not 100%, but happier than I was.  I know I'm loved, I'm employed, and I know I can do this.

I'm really competitive.  So, knowing that about myself, I set up some goals for myself.  Not just weight loss goals, though.  A few different goals for my whole life.  I downloaded an app for my iPhone called iGoal Tracker and it let me set up a few different goals:
1.  Lose 10 pounds by Feb. 1  -- Done!
2.  Lose 40 pounds by June 8  -- 1/4 of the way there!
3.  Finish editing my book by March 1 -- getting there!
4.  Publish book by May 1 -- I'm looking for a publisher, if not, I'll go with Smashworks
5.  Lose 100 pounds by Jan. 24, 2014 -- 10% there!

I'm planning on adding more goals.  There was a goal that I had before I found the app and I'd like to share it.  I quit drinking soda!  Tomorrow it'll be 3 weeks since I had a soda.  It really makes me feel different to not have a soda every day.  I think that I've had a soda every day since I was about 6 years old.  With the exception of when I was pregnant and for a few months after my son was born.  For a while, I tried drinking diet soda only.  However, diet soda is just as bad, if not worse, than regular soda.  I've just been reading about things to try and make my life better.  Soda is incredibly bad, that's the bottom line.

So, I'm gonna keep moving along, in the RIGHT direction.  I'm a happier person and I want to make my life better.  Not just for me, but for my son, too!

So...

Last year, I busted my ass and lost like 30 pounds.  Then I went do Disney World, where I walked 7-11 miles a day but I constantly ate junk.  After that, I gradually (or maybe I'm fooling myself, and it was all at once) I gained every single pound back, and then some.  I just can't live like this anymore.  I know what I'm supposed to do.  I just don't do it.  It's just so much easier for me to go through the drive thru for lunch somewhere than to make a healthy lunch.  I always eat seconds or thirds for dinner.  Seriously?  Just ridiculous.  Who does that?

Anyway, that nonsense has gotta stop.  I'm 35 years old and if I keep going the way I'm going, I'll be in an early grave.  My family has history of diabetes, heart disease, and cancer.  My little boy is about to be 5 years old, I want to be around for his important events.  Like I said, I know what I need to do, I just need to do it.

I've been destroying my body for years and years.  I know how bad I've felt.  I have problems walking up the stairs.  I can't stand for too long.  I sweat when it's above 70 degrees.  I can't tie my own shoes without propping my foot.  I know I've been doing that to myself.  However, the problem is, I noticed my son and nephew starting down the same path.  My will be 5 in a few days, he's 4' tall and weighs 70 pounds.  He can easily either be tall and athletic or not...  My nephew has put on a ton of weight the past year.  He just wants to hang out in his room and snack.  He quit every sport he was in, quit karate, and even quit boy scouts.  I don't want them to see me sitting on my fat ass and think it's okay.

So, last week, I started.  I started quietly.  I put myself on a pretty strict budget, with no room for snacking or eating out.  I bought some healthier food and started walking.  I convinced the boys to walk with me and we're now walking a mile a day.  I've even managed to get the boys to drink water, instead of soda.  Adam doesn't drink a lot of soda, once in a while, but that's still more than I'd like him to have.

I've decided I'm going to set some goals for myself.  I'll be setting weekly goals and monthly goals.  I've even got a few long-term goals.  Last week, my goals were to: 1. Make a budget.  Done!  2.  Make a work out plan.  Done!  3.  Eat healthier.  Done!

My goals for this week are: 1.  Exercise 6 times a week, for 30 minutes.  2.  Stop drinking soda.  3.  Continue to eat healthy.

My goals for the month are: 1.  Exercise 6 times a week, for 30 minutes.  2.  Make and stick to a budget.  Continue to eat healthy.  4.  Lose 5 pounds.  5.  Completely quit drinking soda.

I haven't gotten all of my long term goals in order, just yet.  I will be working them out and setting up a long term goal system.  I have a great app on my phone to help me keep track of my daily goals.  I just need to figure out what to do for my long term goals.  One of my goals is that I want to lose 20 pounds by June 8th, that's when I leave for my vacation in Disney World.

I'd like to mention that, in just one week, I've lost 3.8 pounds!!!

Positive thoughts!  I need to do this.  I can't give up.  I can't afford to do it again.